Tagged!

Thanks to Karen @ Waisting Time and Ann @ Dr. Fatty Finds Fitness, I have been tagged for a round robin of blogging extravaganza! It has been almost 3 weeks since my last real post and over 12 days since Karen tagged me. I have been on a bit of a blogging hiatus. Sorry for the unexplained absence – just chalk it up to, um, misaligned neurons. Promise not to do it again without some notification.

Here are the rules:

1. Post these rules.
2. Post 11 random things yourself. As if you haven’t read enough about me…
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post. (Using Karen’s since she was first tagger.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you’ve tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about “you are tagged if you are reading this.” You legitimately have to tag 11 peeps!

 Eleven random things about me:

1. I am the oldest of 4 kids by 8 years.
2. I was the first female among all of my relatives to finish 4 years of college.
3. I/we just bought a camping van. (Thought our RVing days were over.)
4. I gained weight over the holidays! First significant gain over the past 2 years. ARGH!
5. It has been 9 months since my breast cancer diagnosis. I’m just starting to deal with some of the impact of the double mastectomy.
6. I miss having a career but cannot imagine going back to work for someone else now.
7. I am searching for a passion – don’t ask me what that means. But some of you might understand.
8. I am sitting in the middle of a dust storm inside the house while all of all of the tile is being redone. (Darn those flippers who redid the house before we bought it 6 years ago.)
9. I have concluded that I am a lazy bum. Making physical activity part of my daily routine is difficult, and I don’t have my foob pain to blame any more.
10. My favorite song is “The Very Though Of You.” Yes, I am a romantic.
11. My favorite location is a beach – any beach where I can hear the sound of the waves.

Questions from Karen:

1. What is the most memorable meal you ever ate?  50th birthday dinner at the Four Seasons on the Big Island of Hawaii
2. What TV show(s) are you embarrassed to admit you watch? True Blood
3. Would you rather hire a trainer, chef, house cleaner, or personal shopper? Chef. We have house cleaners come in twice a week to do the crud I refuse to do. I love to shop. Trainers – ugh, I can do my own stuff and anyone who pushes me too hard I would just fire.
   
4. Share a favorite childhood memory.  Fishing with my Dad.
5. What destination would you love to visit?  New Zealand
6. What’s one food you think you don’t like but you’ve never actually tried?  Flaxseed anything
   
7. What modern technology that you didn’t grow up with could you now not live without? Personal computer
8. List the 5 websites you visit most often. New York Times; CNN; Facebook (forgive me, but my family…); Google Reader; Twitter
   
9. Who would you like to meet (living, dead, fictional character, blogger, anyone…)? Molly Ivins – a strange choice, but her wit, writing, and slant on politics, especially the Texas government, I miss desperately. Others include a couple of Texas heroines – Ann Richards and Lady Bird Johnson. My favorite celebrity crushes Renee Fleming and Meryl Streep. Who wouldn’t want to meet Jesus and Buddah and Mohammad? The current Dalai Lama.
   
10. What’s your favorite spot in your house and why?  Where in your house do you spend the most time? Favorite spot is my huge bath tub with air jets. I spend the most time at the computer.
    
11. How long on average does it take you to write a blog post? Days to ruminate about writing, maybe 2 hours to write and and then give it rest before re-reading and edit.

For the final portion I am supposed to tag people and have them answer questions. Almost everyone I read has been tagged, so I will follow a lead from Michele @ Within Reach and post questions that readers can feel free to answer (or not) in the comment section:

1. What is your favorite cuisine?
2. What is your favorite hobby?
3. What would advice would you give someone entering college (assuming they would listen)?
4. What country other than the one you live in would you consider moving to?
5. What is your preferred method of travel when vacationing?
6. What is your best time of day?
7. E-books or paper? Why?
8. Do you have a favorite color of clothes or color scheme?
9. How do you see your life after retirement (or what are you doing if retired)?
10. What is your biggest fear?
11. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” or “It takes a village”?

New camping van

Forget Everything You Know About Nutrition

Letter to NY Times in Response to “The Fat Trap”

Relapse Is My Middle Name

Those who remember my technical blatherings about the Stages of Change Model describing how people voluntarily change behaviors know that I have tried to relate my journey from merely thinking about eating healthy, to seriously planning, to acting on the set of behaviors, and then integrating the mechanisms (processes) of change to help me keep going. (Fifty-word sentence, good grief.)

Relapse is one of the stages, and I am in it. “Don’t despair,” I tell myself because this is normal. There is always something to be learned from a setback. And, recycling to a later stage of change means not starting all over. I do not need to build motivation. I do need to re-establish my ability to shun certain trigger foods. Regain my self-efficacy/confidence. This is especially hard given that I have a binge eating disorder. Yep, depression, anxiety, PTSD, BED. One wonders how I ever functioned so successfully in academia. Here’s a secret. I almost ate myself to death. I gained 150-pounds and no one talked to me about it. If I had reeked of alcohol think someone might have initiated an intervention? Yep? Do I harbor some anger at those charged with my training during medical residency, those who supposedly valued behavioral sciences yet ignored my tremendous weight gain during my residency? You bet. Time to let that go.

I have returned to the world of the present by being open with my family about what has been going on. Sought support from key friends and loved ones. Agreed to not eat in private. Talked with my long distance shrink who is an incredible sounding board. Finally, I stepped into my tightest jeans and found they were almost too tight to wear. Reality check.

Losing weight and maintenance are difficult enough without adding a binge problem. I don’t expect sympathy. It’s a real disorder that I magically thought had disappeared. Nope.

Ever vigilant without obsessing is a fine line. I’m back in the saddle and wearing my tight jeans.

Silly Season – Refuse To Regain

Silly Season – Refuse To Regain.

2011 in review

LOL with me at my blog’s weenie stats. Who cares? I’m having fun!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 9,800 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Honoring An Honor

Returning to my Google Reader after 2 weeks, I found among the 150+ unread blog posts a delightful award from Snagglewordz!

I met Snagglewordz during NaNoWriMo, and she is one of my must read writing bloggers. I know many of you have writing aspirations outside of blogging, so check her out. (Hey, she completed the 50,000 word novel in a month challenge that is NaNoWriMo.)

Besides showing other bloggers that you care about their work, this award allows you to share the love by linking back to the awarder and then recognize other bloggers’ efforts.

Before I get on with the rules, I must mention that I searched through my favorite bloggers (not the professional types) to see who had received this award and found to my horror that Dr. Fatty Finds Fitness had given this to me in September of 2010. I am beyond embarrassed, Ann. My only excuse is that I was on vacation in New Hampshire and did not see it, but dang it! Thank you for the award also!

The rules:

• Thank the blogger who nominated you. Thanks again to Snagglewordz and Dr. Fatty Finds Fitness
• Add the Versatile Blogger Award pic on your blog post
• Share 7 random things about yourself
• Award 15 recently discovered blogs you enjoy reading
• Inform the bloggers of their award

Seven random things:

1. The serial nail shellac ruined my nails! I think soaking in 100% acetone to remove the shellac made my nails weak. They have completely cracked. Boo hiss.
2. I subscribed to the print version of the NY Times this month. I guess that free year online nabbed me as planned.
3. Coffee at home is always made with a French press. Thus, my Gravatar – if you ever see it.
4. I listen to archives of “This American Life” on my iPad most nights as I fall asleep. It usually takes 3 nights to hear an entire hour.
5. My in-laws will be here in 24 hours.
6. I lost another band size in my bra without losing any weight. What the heck? In the last 3 months (since replacement of tissue expanders), I have gone from a 38 to a 34. Of course the cup size is the same, silly. I have silicone implants.
7. My favorite bra brand is Natori. The combination of pretty and the fit to my implants makes my chest feel normal. Thank you breast cancer for the breast lifts…

Now to pass on the award. As far as I can tell from archives, all of my usual bloggers have received this award except one – Pinkvision at Unveiling the Secret Garden. She has been a consistent supporter and commenter. Her blog demonstrates a rationale approach to health. Check her out!

Finally, Happy New Year to everyone! I am focusing my efforts on physical activity this year (and forever) while I shave off the last 15-20 pounds or whatever and head into maintenance. Here’s to health, family, friends, and the beauty in our world.

Must Read For All The “Losers”

The Fat Trap – an important but sobering read in the NY Times for those losing and maintaining. And the rest of society, too, come to think about it!

Read this response from my favorite bariatric specialist, Dr. Barbara Berkeley, who deals with maintainers.

I Have No Excuse

For not blogging over the past 2 weeks. For not reading my blogging buddies’ posts. For not staying on plan. For bingeing last week. I apologize to myself and to my friends. I am in learning mode – breaking down what led up to the binges because it was more than lack of stimulus control. Fodder for another time.

Vacation was great! We spent a week in Florida for fun and family then a week in Dallas for family and fun. A cottage on the beach was our home for 4 days on lush little Sanibel Island off the southwest coast of Florida. We walked, watched a few shorebirds (very familiar from living on the Texas coast), wandered around refuges, ate at cafes, enjoyed the 80° temps and humidity, took silly pictures, picked up shells, dreamed of living on Hawaii. Then it was off to Orlando to surprise Sue’s parents.

Sanibel DQ Santa

Last year on their annual visit to Sue’s sister’s home in central Florida, the folks spent 2 hours looking for the rental car – sigh. So, we spent a night at the Orlando Airport Hyatt (nice for an airport hotel), shocked the hell out of the almost 86-year olds, brunched, then caravanned to, well, let me just say that rebel flags and NRA bumper stickers dominated the mobile home neighborhood. (OK, I call it Crackerville, but so do they.) I love Sue’s sister not just because she is family but also because she is sweet and funny and thrives despite a tough life. We visited with nieces and husbands and boyfriends and babies. Ate BBQ. Drank a lot of coffee then flew off to visit my side of the family.

My Dad had decorated the house so beautifully. It was grand to see him looking well and actually playing the piano. It was difficult to be in their home at Christmas without Mom. I had to go shopping at the Galleria. (Tucson is not known as a shopping mecca.) Ooh, shiny! I bought more bras at Nordstrom’s after spending time with a “surgical fitter.” Sue and I enjoyed my sibs and their spouses; visited the cemetery where I left an angel on Mom’s grave; had a glorious Christmas Eve Eve (yes) dinner with everyone plus my mom’s sister (who looks just like her, which made me cry), my uncle, a cousin, and her kids. We are long past gift-giving except for the occasional doo-dad. Being together is more than enough.

A huge plus was seeing Ann of Dr. Fatty Finds Fitness for a delightful lunch between her morning and afternoon patients. Put two physicians together who “met” over their weight loss blogs and what do they spend the majority of their time talking about? Medicine. I have no doubt that her patients love her because she is so easy to speak with and is passionate about quality health care. Those of you who read her blog know what a crazy schedule she has between her practice, family, and amazing exercise routine. Let me just add that to be able to focus on her own health and then share that experience with the world is amazing. She is amazing. If you don’t read her blog, please do!

Jan & Ann

So you might wonder where I went astray on my eating plan. At the quaint cafe on Sanibel? Confronting the numerous biscuits and gravy across the South? During some romantic dinner? While eating with family over mashed potatoes and gravy? No. I was fine for 12 days. Then. I. just. lost it. I continued to be out of control the first 2 days after returning home even though I felt like crap. I knew this could spiral into 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years. It’s happened before. It won’t happen again. I refuse to be undone by my self. All or nothing is no longer my way of life. I’m working hard not to hate myself because that only tugs on the periphery, urging me want to eat again. Yep, I did eat to punish myself in the past. I won’t do it now. I’m in the present. It’s good to be home.

Wordless Wednesday

Bits & Bites

We will be traveling for holiday joy with family. Well, at least one side of the family (mine) is joyful during this season. A side trip to Sanibel Island for a few days won’t make up for the missed vacation in Hawaii but should provide enough beach time for the family excitement ahead.

The critters and house always get tremendous care from our wonderful pet-sitting company, Nunn Better. Seneca does an amazing job with her staff, and our “Pack” usually has their favorite gal, Aubrey, to spoil them rotten when we travel. Of course we would rather they romp on the beach with us and visit their puppy cousins. I do worry about them. Ha! They are too busy enjoying respite from us and happy to avoid kennel-care.

Betsy & Scruffy

PeeTee & Lucy

After a reaaallllly long weight-loss plateau, I have dropped a few pounds. I continue to be fascinated how my body shape changes even without losing much weight. Don’t say I am toning up because my physical activity still is not up to pre-mastectomy level, but at least I’m moving again without discomfort. Although my goal seems to be only 14-pounds away, I think maintenance for me will hit when I can fit into the pair of really tight size 10 pants hanging. Who knows? Who cares. I’m pretty much eating what I plan to eat for life except there will be no hesitancy for treats in the future. This time of year. with my seasonal affective disorder flaring and the associated carb urge, it is a bit dangerous to venture away from my mantra: no grains, starch, added sugar.

My favorite/only plastic surgeon insisted on a huge hug rather than a handshake at the start of our visit this week. “What, after all we’ve been through you just want to shake my hand?” So, I pressed my artificial boobs into his chest and then flash him. “Are you satisfied with this?” I ask. He tells me I look great for just a little over 2 months since my tissue expanders were replaced with silicone. Scars are healing well. Skin flab might be removed after weight loss is done, depends on if I want more scars. We discuss how one foob hangs lower. Most women’s breasts are not even. I just never noticed because mine were hanging at my waist. He did not use any tissue matrix (we agreed) to reinforce the lower poles of the “pockets” holding my implants. So, I do have to watch and see if that one foob drops any lower. My symmastia (uniboob) has not recurred but I’m still at high risk for up to 2 years. In other words, I am like many women who undergo breast reconstruction after breast cancer – over 25% will require additional surgery after “permanent” implants are placed. I ain’t planning on it, but I am aware. The next step is to get nipple tattoos. (Just in case you were dying to know.) No nipple reconstruction. I don’t want “headlights” all the time, and the Barbie look is kinda weird. We are planning a trip to Baltimore in the spring to have mine done by a tattoo artist who works with academic reconstruction centers across the country. Always wanted a tattoo. Just thought it might be a green sea turtle…

Leaving you with a link to a fun read from the New York Times: Holiday Gifts From Your Kitchen Even non-chefs like make me can make healthy, lemon olive oil and dress it up in a pretty container.

Be reading you on the interwebs!