I hate routines – always have, always will. No matter how strongly I say that I will change something to conform with certain time periods, e.g. getting up by 7, eating before 8, exercising by X a.m., writing so many words or pages in a journal or professionally or for fiction writing, I just will not do it on a schedule.
However, I will get things done, just on my pace. Fascinating that even at a ripe age when I impose a schedule that I am certain am comfortable with, something within me refuses to stick with it. Procrastination reigns supreme. I do get my writing done (usually); I do eat breakfast; I do exercise; just not when I had agreed with me that I would.
Weight loss has been like that for years. I would get around to it, again, when the time was right, when my self was ready. Procrastination – a family trait learned and reinforced. Our family myth is that we are more creative under pressure. Turns out this really isn’t true. I just get a “high” from finally doing what has been put off. It drove the people who worked for me nuts (although the type of job I did seemed to attract procrastinators). It drives my partner nuts. Hell, it drives me nuts.
Weight loss procrastination, however, isn’t about the thrill of getting something done – the rush of completing the task is too far down the road. For me, it’s about the fear of failure to maintain, yet again, or maybe even the fear of success. Sigh, dealing with a new body is always a tough change for me. This time I am trying to do everything I can to bolster my self-efficacy (my capability/confidence) that not only can I lose weight, but I can make long term life style changes and maintain these changes for good.
How am I boosting my self-efficacy? Well remembering my own experience in not only loosing weight but maintaining that size 6 for 6 months. (Hey, it was a start!) Seeing how others like me (not like Oprah) have been able to do this most difficult thing and modeling what has worked for them. Accepting the positive feedback I am getting – not minimizing when people notice my weight loss and remembering this isn’t just about weight but about my health. Constantly trying to learn new skills from those who are successful – thus, the reason for now not doing these behaviors, including the anticipated maintenance, in a vacuum. 3Fat Chicks and other supportive online sites work the best for me right now. I don’t use WW plan; don’t like the OA model (I am not powerless!); not so certain about TOPS. My partner is also losing weight and using the same plan, but she only has about 10 pounds left. My friends and family are far away but continue to send words of encouragement via phone and Facebook.
I am a rebel with a cause – just trying to stay on track.