Supposedly humans only have 7 or 8 basic emotions – happy, sad, surprised, fear, disgust, anger, etc. Well, ask any woman on a diet, and I’ll guarantee that she has uttered the statement, “I feel fat.”
The past few days I have “felt fat”. Sure, I can touch just about any body part and actually feel that I am fat. But what the heck is this complex emotional crud that has crept up on me, and I am urged to identify it as a fat feeling? OK… I’m angry that the scale isn’t moving faster – as if an average of 2 pounds per week isn’t quick enough. My body is still reeling 4 months later from the after effects of a cholecystectomy with continued pain in my liver area (maybe a stress ulcer, maybe “post-cholecystectomy syndrome” meaning you have pain after surgery just deal with it), also gut discomfort, and on and off diarrhea that is finally more off than on. Exercise is still rough. My stamina is crap. OF COURSE IT’S CRAP! I haven’t done anything in a few years. Plus, I’m on a beta-blocker which will make it tougher. Let’s call that emotion disappointment. My winter seasonal affective disorder is kicking in – so add in some depression. Throw in the fact that I’m lonely living in a town that I hate, even after 4½ years. My social support for changing how I eat is great but only consists of my wonderful partner and long distance support from loving family, missed friends, and the online community at 3FC.
Hmmm, so far “feeling fat” for me is anger, sadness, loneliness, disappointment, depression, and physical discomfort. Good God, no wonder this is awful and such a potential threat to my new way of eating and living.
Fat is a feeling now, and it ain’t very pleasant.