In this corner — Nonfat Greek yogurt with fruit, 5.3 ounces, 130 calories, 13 grams protein, 18 grams carbs, 15% dietary calcium.
In the opposing corner — Non fat cottage cheese, 4 ounces, 80 calories, 14 grams protein, 5 grams carbs, 10% dietary calcium.
Guess which one makes me want to eat 5 servings even though I enjoy each equally at first bite? Yep, give me sweets any day. Rev up that carbohydrate lobe in my brain and set me off and running.
Last night I had an enlightening but sad experience that shows why I will never be immune to bingeing. We had stocked up on nonfat Greek yogurt because my partner now likes them. So, instead of having just a few in the fridge there were about 12. With the taste of cane sugar lingering and the stress from my in-laws visiting (company and family issues), the one post-meal yogurt later become 3 more. OMG! (better than what I really want to type). I was so embarrassed/ashamed that it was not until early this morning that I added up my calories – still within a reasonable number, but the out of control feeling was too familiar. In the old days – 7 months ago – this would have been half a gallon + of ice cream. True, it was only nonfat yogurt. Yet, the aftermath of shame was the same. While I was eating, I kept reminding myself this was a choice; did I really want this next one; was I still present while eating; kept saying enjoy the taste, the texture, or throw it out; reminded myself that I would need to scale back my calories the next day by 390. Now that was different. At least I was present in my body while having a mini-binge.
What could I have done differently? Well, eat cottage cheese instead because clearly the cane sugar is triggering. Today there are 4 cartons of my favorite brand of cottage cheese hiding Sue’s yogurt. I can keep fewer yogurts in the fridge – it would be too cruel to eat Sue’s. I can utilize the “5 D’s” (courtesy of Beverloyjoy on 3FC forums):
- Distract myself – hit the therapeutic tub with its wonderful salts and my stack of books and iTouch, perhaps write
- Drink lots of water – in the winter I would drink hot herbal tea as a ritual to curb urges; need to come up with something more inventive for the warm Arizona months
- Distance myself from food – hard to do late a night in a single story house, the tub is another good place to be distant. Meditation would be grand if that were one of my practices. Writing might distance me
- Deep breaths – or other anxiety reducing maneuvers. I would have pulled out the Wii for some fun, but sleeping company prevented this. Tried video games on the computer and only got more revved up – what a shock.
- Destroy any food I grab for – this is so tough to do when the food is shared with someone else. If Sue had been awake, I would have asked if this was OK to do. In fact, if Sue had been awake I would have talked to her as a coping mechanism about the urge and my feelings of stress. Dang-it — writing would have been good…
So this is another learning experience on my road to health. Time to stop beating myself up. Really – this is a good thing. I feel better already, almost.