Now 1.6 pounds away from the half-way mark. That might not sound like much until one considers that I am losing 140 pounds. Yikes, that is a lot of weight. Seven months ago, I was blissfully unaware of my humongousity (a new word) – well, not unaware so much as avoiding my body.
It takes years and years of practice to not look below your neck when gazing in the mirror. Now I do see myself as an entire person, and it is surprising. Sometimes a good surprise, sometimes disgusting, but all part of integrating me — my body into my brain, my heart, my soul, my emotions. (I notice how even my writing is different when describing this process.) I feel mostly OK about what is happening to my body. Shrinking to more normal size is more than acceptable. Being able to shop in “normal” clothing stores is most rewarding, if a tad intimidating. How amazing that I would be intimidated by clothing stores given my history of thriving in the world of academic medicine! Moving more comfortably in the physical world is perhaps the most fun, truly fun, part of this journey. I was an athlete throughout high school and college — way before women athletes were “cool”. To be able to feel my muscles do as I ask, experience pain (no, not the pain from my knee injury) as they learn to stretch and grow, regain coordination that let me be an All American in volleyball – those are “good things” as Martha Stewart would say.
Seventy pounds is a nice number to reach on the losing end. The next 70 will be so much more rewarding, if I don’t kill my physical therapist before then.