OK, let me rephrase that… These are my diet/food/hunger experiences during the grieving of my mother’s death after leaving the family and friends.
- Forget to eat. Breakfast and lunchtime are over? Oops.
- One severe episode of wanting to binge, and I mean binge as in consume whatever edible substance could be found. Fortunately nothing in the pantry or fridge was “binge-able”. In the past, I would not have let that stop me and would have gone questing for food – fast food or obscenely fat and sugar-laden grocery store items.
- Monitoring food intake via Livestrong.com (my go-to site) or even by hand – totally forgotten about. How could that habit be so quickly extinguished?
- Food cravings – none. Thankfully, I still don’t have my ice cream fetish, even during my binge fantasy. In fact, food just doesn’t taste much at all. During the immediate post-death period when we were all gathered at my parents’ home and food was in abundance, some food tasted great such chocolate chip cookies, Tex-Mex, my birthday cake. Did I mention Mom died 28 hours before my birthday?
- Summer Diet Buddies – sorry about the last 2 weeks of not checking in except to say that I wasn’t checking in
- Physical activity – as if
- Sleep – erratic
This is what I know that I should be doing now, which is to rely on my eating and physical activity plan as a structure to keep me grounded. So easily stated and written. Grief is what it is, however, and I can’t fight it. Sadness, poor sleep, ridiculous feelings of abandonment, a sense that the world will never be the same – I have zero control over those normal adult responses to the loss of a parent. I can, however, fight my tendency to bad self-care.
Starting last night, I resumed my food diary at Livestrong and checked in with Summer Diet Buddies. Today – breakfast, no; lunch, yes; plan in place to resume regularly scheduled meals. Tomorrow I am headed to the new gym that I found just before Mom died – a gym specifically targeted to folks over age 50, which means a lot of younger people go there also for the accepting atmosphere, good rates, great pool, and classes for every body type and level of fitness. I made an appointment with a podiatrist to get my foot examined for the bony growth on top that is causing my 4th and 5th toes to splay out. (This might not sound like much to some readers, but it has only taken 2 months to finally schedule – another self-care issue…)
I’ll try not to rag on and on about my grief work here (and the irrational thoughts that burst forth) but will up date how I’m doing re-establishing my diet health behaviors and will probably refer to my emotional state at times.
Sorrow makes us all children again – destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson