Gifts on Valentine’s Day

Why is it hard to get rid of clothes when you (make that I) lose weight? I’m  not that frugal, so it isn’t the, “Oh my gawd look at the waste!” aspect. I’m not a hoarder – really, honestly, OK, so I have a few textbooks that are 30 years old… I am not keeping any clothes around in anticipation of a regain.

There is nothing I would like more than to see a woman with fewer resources wearing some of my beautiful suits. So, why the heck am I dawdling getting rid of the poundage of clothes in my closets? Yes, closets – plural.

Lazy, perhaps. Overwhelmed at the prospect of cataloging several hefty bags of clothes for a tax deduction, yeah. But deep down, I’m having trouble letting go of my fat. My body image still is nebulous. Viewing pics of me at my fattest (and I will NOT post them here), I can’t believe that’s me. Viewing pics of me in 1992 at a size 6, I can’t believe that is my body. Looking at my sagging skin, I just want to scream it away. I can’t accept that my arms look like my great-grandmother’s or my thighs resemble an elephant, even as some muscle starts to show through. (Hmm, both of those are very strong images…) Do I want to be fat again and smooth out the wrinkles and sags? NO. I wouldn’t mind be 20 years younger though 😉

Rather than continuing to perseverate about the clothes, my fat, this strange sadness when I look in my closets – I am celebrating this Valentine’s Day with a gift to myself and to large women who shop at Goodwill by finishing the task;  emptying my closets;screw the cataloging; putting on some happy music. (Live radio from the Big Island for our upcoming vacation) And, some private writing about these reactions to changes in my body.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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5 thoughts on “Gifts on Valentine’s Day

  1. Good for you! Letting go allows room for more of what you want in your life. Keeping that intention as you fill those bags will help make it a reality that much faster. And wow, how awesome it feels when there’s room in a closet. I recently let go of all of my “corporate suits” and it was like a huge weight had been lifted. I was finally free to be me and it has been wonderful not looking at the past every time I look in there. ♥ Happy Valentine’s Day ♥ ~Blessings, Janet

  2. Great post! I have five bags of “big clothes” sitting in my living room at this very moment, all ready to be dropped off at Goodwill tomorrow. One dress is brand new (bought on sale but never worn) and most of the other things are in great shape. It gives me pleasure to know that some other people will get use from this clothing.

  3. Good for you! It’s a tough step for some of us to take, but it’s very necessary. Like you, I focused on plus-sized women who would benefit from having some nice things to choose from at Goodwill. That made it about them, and not about me. 🙂

  4. I love this post! This is one of those small steps you spoke of that lead to large gains. Letting go of our old bodies is hard to do because there have been times we have found comfort in who we were. Cleaning out our closets is a step towards acceptance and it shows that we are committed to changing. It is so awesome that you made this a positive activity with the music and giving to those in need. I am with you in the desire to be 20 years younger but I want to keep all the knowledge that I have gained in those 20 years. LOL! 🙂

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