You might this offensive, but I find humor in big boob cartoons. Having been a former humongous big breasted, and now no breasted, woman, I have started collecting humorous cartoons (NOT PORN) that depict big bazookas without being demeaning. I laughed at such images when my breasts hung to my waist; I’m really laughing at them now as part of the mourning process for my breasts.
For someone who chose not to have obesity surgery because of refusing to deform her body (don’t yell, I know bariatric surgery works – this is my sh!t), opting to cut off both my breasts for Stage 0 breast cancer might seem incongruous. It isn’t. That aspect, however, does help explain grieving my breasts – not because I feel a loss of femininity or sexual identity. Shock is the best word I can find to describe that first glance at my chest. For days I couldn’t help with the dressing changes because I could not bear the lack of sensation and the lack of breasts. Sue would gently turn me away from the mirrors while she did nursing duty. This week I have been on my own for dressing changes and am fully experiencing my incisions, skin sensations, scars, excess skin waiting to be adjusted at the final surgery. While I do have some “boobage” now from saline in the tissue expanders, I know that I will never have real breasts. What I have chosen to do is purely cosmetic and at times regret the choice (usually in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep because of discomfort and when I start obsessing over the possibility of more complications). I also know that had I elected not to undergo reconstruction, I would have regretted that choice even more. My body image, while unstable throughout my life, would not have tolerated a scarred, flat chest and having to wear a device to accommodate the new sizes I am shrinking into.
So, without further inner psychoanalysis I present my first (OK, second, check here) boob image that caused my sister and I to giggle in the aisles at Walgreens while looking for a birthday card. Feel free to submit your images to firstname.lastname@example.org.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22