Funky Me

puppy peeking from under blanketWow, 18 days since my last post. Seems like a million…

Not much has been going on in the Old Pueblo (the traditional name for Tucson) or in my brain, unfortunately. Along with our summer thunderstorm season, I’ve hit a bit of a low pressure in my spirits and haven’t had the inclination to post or even write outside of blogging, which is probably when I need to do so the most.

Thanks tremendously for the caring e-mails and phone calls checking  on me.

Here’s an update. Breast cancer Stage 0 is a breeze – breast cancer surgery for some folks completely sucks. At least the reconstruction process is sucking. I continue to have constant discomfort from the tissue expanders that are meant to stretch a space under under my pectoralis major muscles for soft, comfortable silicone implants – in another 3 months! One more fill of saline tomorrow then waiting for the final surgery while the stretching and internal repairing continues. My body still doesn’t want to heal the incisions completely, and I remain confined to no vigorous activity, especially in the heat. HEY! I live in Southern Arizona. Guess I could become a mall walker – as if….

I think the lack of activity is contributing to my brain funk – that and my difficulty with sleep because of chronic discomfort (hard to call it pain when I don’t take any pain meds). Driving is unpleasant because the foobs mash into my arms when turning the steering wheel. Got a little rap for ya – use your best urban poet voice and repeat after me: I got tits in mah pits and drivin’ is fo shitz

Added to the reconstruction blues was the first anniversary of my mom’s death (how dare she die right before my birthday?). Maybe this little down turn in my spirits isn’t so hard to understand after all.

I continue to lose weight, but that doesn’t bring much satisfaction because I just don’t feel healthy sitting around most of the time except for stretching and brief walks. (Now down 134 pounds – 9 pounds lighter than at the time of surgery 2 months ago.)

So, that’s where I am, in limbo-land trying to regain my sense of humor, some hint of positivity, and a chance to be active again. Oh yeah, not feeling these foreign bodies inside my chest would be a huge (and I mean HUGE as in they are way too big) step toward feeling better.

How do you climb out of brain funks, assuming you have ever had one?

Special thanks to our chihuahua-terrible mix for allowing his most honorable visage to represent my current state of whatever.

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12 thoughts on “Funky Me

  1. Well, as much as you are in a funk, I see your sense of humor is still in tact:) I only found out recently that my wedding anniversary is also the anniversary of my husband’s dad’s death. Why did he not think to mention that when we were planning a date! Especially since 1) my dad died on the anniversary of our first date and 2) we changed our original wedding date after my dad died. Men.

    Anyhoo, can’t remember if I told you that my trip your way is now pretty confirmed; airfare purchased!

    • It’s amazing how dates are so important in the human psyche. No wonder ancient humans developed calendars 1,000’s of years ago. But surely not just for remembering the sad stuff – sigh.

      Big woot for your spa vacation. Can’t wait to meet!

    • Oh, Denise – so sorry you are funky, too! I’ll give ya a call if you aren’t on the links. Love you, sis.

  2. You still have that great sense of humor that I have come to enjoy in your writing!

    I think this is a tough one to pull yourself out of right now because you are in the waiting stage of your reconstruction. It sounds very uncomfortable and since you can’t be very active there is less going on in your life to distract from all that is getting in your way, like foobs!

    You know that I do like guided meditation, thinking positive thoughts, listening to happy music and all that. In light of everything you are going through these things sound silly but in the end I do think they can make a difference even if it’s just a little.

    Laughter is good for the soul, perhaps you could use a good comedy movie for distraction!

    Thank you for the recipe for a protein packed smoothie! I have a feeling I will be dining on a lot of those these week.

    Take care of yourself!

    • Thanks, Tami for reminding me to listening to my guided imagery podcasts on healing and turning my Hawaiian music back on Pandora. They really helped after surgery and brought a calmness to me. A comedy movie is just what I will find for the afternoon!

      Best wishes on your upcoming surgery – ugh, mouth surgery! (Dentists scare me! LOL)

  3. Well, thank you very much. I’m sure I’ll be singing your little titty ditty every time i get in my car now. 🙂

    I have a simple little exercise I use when I’m in a lingering funk–I make a list of all the things in my life that aren’t funk-worthy. If that doesn’t work, I make a note of what the opposite situation could be in each of those situations. That almost always does the trick!

    • “Titty ditty” – good one!

      And thanks for the list-making suggestion. A great idea that gets me writing more.

  4. I agree with Tami. It’s hard to be completely non-funky when you are in this state of limbo. Get out of the house as much as you can. And are you taking some vitamin D? A lot of this funk is probably related to the anniversary of your mom’s death. A normal response as you well know. I love your rap. You crack me up. I think your sense of humor is just fine. And as you know that’s so important to getting out of a funk. Hang in there and I’m so glad to hear from you!

    • Before surgery, I was taking a multi-vit with 1,000 IU D3 and supplementing with 5,000 more. They asked me to quit the 5,000 (for some strange reason related to a plastic surgery pre-op, non-evidence based guideline somewhere), and I haven’t started back. Probably should since my time in the sun is limited.

  5. I like your rap! And having had a mouth ache for nearly two weeks, I have the tiniest idea of what you must be feeling – not that mine is anything compared to yours, but just having something hurt all the damn time gets to you. I’m sorry it’s taking so long for everything to heal before the reconstructive surgery. This just sucks!

    Also? I know you’re not thrilled about getting no exercise in, but woohoo on the weight loss! You should go try on some smaller sized pants and shorts for fun – got to get a reward in somewhere for everything that you’ve been going through!

  6. Love the rap – or titty dity! I agree about the Vit D – and maybe even a bit of mall walking, too. Moving around will raise your spirits even if it is the air conditioned halls of the mall!

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