Suddenly I realize my life has gone from “pre-weight loss –> post-weight loss” or “pre-Mom’s death –> post-Mom’s death –> post-grief” to now “pre-breast cancer” –> “post-breast cancer surgeries & everything is supposed to be OK”. In other words, my world has been focused on my boobs or lack thereof for the past 4+ months, and now it is time to get along with living. However, I have another 2 months until I can fully return to vigorous activity, which is driving me bonkers. Heck, I can’t even ride the recumbent bike for another week or so. (No noob/foob bouncing.) Also, the chance of needing additional surgery is pretty darn high over the next 3 years (up to 50% with my symmastia – uniboob – that was repaired), thus the need for extra caution. Can you tell I’m still in recovery mode mentally?
Like many women, at least those who post on the Breastcancer.org forums, I am experiencing the end of treatment let down. Nothing to look forward to, or rather dread. Just waiting to heal and back to the usual hum-drum of life – almost. Perhaps it is the “almost” that is bugging me. Exercise had become an outlet for anxiety or restlessness and was certainly adding to my sense of well-being. Walking or biking indoors took me away from worries and helped connect my body to my mind. I was beginning to see definition in my legs. Now I feel like a slug. Gaining 3 pounds has not helped this bit of angst, but hey it isn’t 30 pounds, and I don’t weigh 300 pounds again. Good grief this is rambling. I’ll just say that not being able to exercise or even do little bits of housework (!) is driving me nuts.
What does a daughter of my mother do when she feels out of sorts? Go shopping! As you undoubtedly remember, I started using “barefoot shoes” back in March. That pair of Vibram FiveFingers KSO is great for trails, but the black gets a bit hot in Southern Arizona and I was wearing a men’s size, so the toes are too long for my infantile 5th digits. I was lusting for a new pair with a different tread. Without further adieu, here is my little splurge that I cannot enjoy for another week or so: Vibram Komodosport LS
Aren’t they pretty? Well, at least the color is pretty spiffy. (Ignore the swollen ankles. I’m still retaining fluid like a sponge since surgery.)
Do you ever use “shopping therapy”? Ever felt guilty about it?