Returning to Normalcy

Suddenly I realize my life has gone from “pre-weight loss –> post-weight loss” or “pre-Mom’s death –> post-Mom’s death –> post-grief” to now “pre-breast cancer” –> “post-breast cancer surgeries & everything is supposed to be OK”. In other words, my world has been focused on my boobs or lack thereof for the past 4+ months, and now it is time to get along with living. However, I have another 2 months until I can fully return to vigorous activity, which is driving me bonkers. Heck, I can’t even ride the recumbent bike for another week or so. (No noob/foob bouncing.) Also, the chance of needing additional surgery is pretty darn high over the next 3 years (up to 50% with my symmastia – uniboob – that was repaired), thus the need for extra caution. Can you tell I’m still in recovery mode mentally?

Like many women, at least those who post on the Breastcancer.org forums, I am experiencing the end of treatment let down. Nothing to look forward to, or rather dread. Just waiting to heal and back to the usual hum-drum of life – almost. Perhaps it is the “almost” that is bugging me. Exercise had become an outlet for anxiety or restlessness and was certainly adding to my sense of well-being. Walking or biking indoors took me away from worries and helped connect my body to my mind. I was beginning to see definition in my legs. Now I feel like a slug. Gaining 3 pounds has not helped this bit of angst, but hey it isn’t 30 pounds, and I don’t weigh 300 pounds again. Good grief this is rambling. I’ll just say that not being able to exercise or even do little bits of housework (!) is driving me nuts.

What does a daughter of my mother do when she feels out of sorts? Go shopping! As you undoubtedly remember, I started using “barefoot shoes” back in March. That pair of Vibram FiveFingers KSO is great for trails, but the black gets a bit hot in Southern Arizona and I was wearing a men’s size, so the toes are too long for my infantile 5th digits. I was lusting for a new pair with a different tread. Without further adieu, here is my little splurge that I cannot enjoy for another week or so: Vibram Komodosport LS

Aren’t they pretty? Well, at least the color is pretty spiffy. (Ignore the swollen ankles. I’m still retaining fluid like a sponge since surgery.)

Do you ever use “shopping therapy”? Ever felt guilty about it?

Vibram KomodoLS shoes

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9 thoughts on “Returning to Normalcy

  1. Yes…and no. Well, sometimes. At least you got something cute. Monday night I ordered fish oil caplets and a new electric toothbrush from Amazon. I don’t know why it was so critical that I had to do that the night before my surgery, lol. I do like those purple Vibrams, though! 🙂

  2. My husband has no idea what a normal woman is like! I’m not a big shopper. I wondered about those shoes since walking barefoot never bothers me and every shoe I wear does at some point. But, not sure I can stand the “toes.” Remember “toe socks?” Oh I hated that feeling between mine.

    • Toes socks, shudder! The only effort with these is learning to put them on. Once you get going the idea and feel of having your toes separated it is no biggie. And, I absolutely cannot stand wearing thong sandals. Folks who have been running with strong support from shoes should take it slowly to adjust going to a mid to forefoot strike. Since I wasn’t running anyway, adjustment was not an issue for me. Try them on. DO NOT USE the toe socks they have available.

      • Ha ha — toe socks are wretched. But of course, they make it easier to wear flip flops!!! Oh, no — I really wouldn’t EVER do that – just being funny.

        Jan, hope you’re out using these new barefoot shoes soon.

  3. The shoes are awesome I’m interested to try some. Sometime when I get time. You know that slowly you will adjust back to “normal” but of course things will be different as well. Taking it one day at a time and focusing on being healthy and happy is the best course of action. Get better!

  4. Retail therapy?- Oh yes I have done that and usually with no guilt associated with it. At least it’s calorie free right?

    I don’t think I would like those shoes but then I have never even tried them on. I have started seeing people wearing them around here and they sure do stand out! Love that pop of purple color.

    I understand your frustration with the healing process and not being able to do things that help relax you and make you feel like you are making progress with your fitness level. Patience at this point is difficult to come by but as we know time passes quickly and soon you will be doing things that bring you joy and pleasure again. 🙂

  5. Fun, happy shoes! I hope you have many wonderful hiking adventures with them.

    I’m not much of a shopper (except for groceries), so shopping therapy has almost no appeal for me. I’m very slow about buying things — I often return to a store many times and/or read about an item over and over online before I buy. When I do need something, I find I am almost on a quest to find the “perfect” item, which, as you may have already suspected, often turns out to be less than perfect. I’m working on this — I’m trying to buy a little faster with a little less research — I mean, really….do I need to read the reviews on every brand of $10.00 optical connector manufactured before I buy one? Well…..yes… Okay, okay, I need to work on this a little more.

    I am sorry that your exercise has to be so limited — I know what that is like. Hopefully, your recovery will continue without problems and you can keep that new, beautiful bod of yours firm and healthy!

  6. While not as serious as some women I know, I did having a shopping problem. When our financial life when sideways, I had to stop and in someways I think my weight gain over the past 7 years has been a partial result of my “withdrawl!”

    Having those bright new shoes will make it even more of a pleasure to back into excercise mode. A couple of years ago could you even imagine being desperate to exercise?

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