I Have No Excuse

For not blogging over the past 2 weeks. For not reading my blogging buddies’ posts. For not staying on plan. For bingeing last week. I apologize to myself and to my friends. I am in learning mode – breaking down what led up to the binges because it was more than lack of stimulus control. Fodder for another time.

Vacation was great! We spent a week in Florida for fun and family then a week in Dallas for family and fun. A cottage on the beach was our home for 4 days on lush little Sanibel Island off the southwest coast of Florida. We walked, watched a few shorebirds (very familiar from living on the Texas coast), wandered around refuges, ate at cafes, enjoyed the 80° temps and humidity, took silly pictures, picked up shells, dreamed of living on Hawaii. Then it was off to Orlando to surprise Sue’s parents.

Sanibel DQ Santa

Last year on their annual visit to Sue’s sister’s home in central Florida, the folks spent 2 hours looking for the rental car – sigh. So, we spent a night at the Orlando Airport Hyatt (nice for an airport hotel), shocked the hell out of the almost 86-year olds, brunched, then caravanned to, well, let me just say that rebel flags and NRA bumper stickers dominated the mobile home neighborhood. (OK, I call it Crackerville, but so do they.) I love Sue’s sister not just because she is family but also because she is sweet and funny and thrives despite a tough life. We visited with nieces and husbands and boyfriends and babies. Ate BBQ. Drank a lot of coffee then flew off to visit my side of the family.

My Dad had decorated the house so beautifully. It was grand to see him looking well and actually playing the piano. It was difficult to be in their home at Christmas without Mom. I had to go shopping at the Galleria. (Tucson is not known as a shopping mecca.) Ooh, shiny! I bought more bras at Nordstrom’s after spending time with a “surgical fitter.” Sue and I enjoyed my sibs and their spouses; visited the cemetery where I left an angel on Mom’s grave; had a glorious Christmas Eve Eve (yes) dinner with everyone plus my mom’s sister (who looks just like her, which made me cry), my uncle, a cousin, and her kids. We are long past gift-giving except for the occasional doo-dad. Being together is more than enough.

A huge plus was seeing Ann of Dr. Fatty Finds Fitness for a delightful lunch between her morning and afternoon patients. Put two physicians together who “met” over their weight loss blogs and what do they spend the majority of their time talking about? Medicine. 🙂 I have no doubt that her patients love her because she is so easy to speak with and is passionate about quality health care. Those of you who read her blog know what a crazy schedule she has between her practice, family, and amazing exercise routine. Let me just add that to be able to focus on her own health and then share that experience with the world is amazing. She is amazing. If you don’t read her blog, please do!

Jan & Ann

So you might wonder where I went astray on my eating plan. At the quaint cafe on Sanibel? Confronting the numerous biscuits and gravy across the South? During some romantic dinner? While eating with family over mashed potatoes and gravy? No. I was fine for 12 days. Then. I. just. lost it. I continued to be out of control the first 2 days after returning home even though I felt like crap. I knew this could spiral into 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years. It’s happened before. It won’t happen again. I refuse to be undone by my self. All or nothing is no longer my way of life. I’m working hard not to hate myself because that only tugs on the periphery, urging me want to eat again. Yep, I did eat to punish myself in the past. I won’t do it now. I’m in the present. It’s good to be home.

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14 thoughts on “I Have No Excuse

  1. Welcome back home Jan! What a fun time you had with all the travel and family. How wonderful to get to meet up with Ann. It sounds like she is just as I would imagine her to be in real life. Isn’t is awesome to meet our cyber friends in real life?

    Don’t beat yourself up over the food issue. I read in a Dr Phil book that our weight is managed – not cured. I found comfort in reading that. To me that means that if I slip in engage in emotional eating that doesn’t mean that I have failed – I just need to get control – not let things spin out of control as I have in the past and redirect myself. You did just that! Bravo to you. It does scare the crap out of you though when you had done well for so long – been there and done that!

  2. It was so great to see you, Jan. I’m glad you made it home safely and now we can return to the post-holiday sanity.

    • Ann, your blast through the Midwest sounded fun and exhausting! I was so glad to get that brief time with you. Knowing that caring primary care docs are still out there doing the good work, despite everything, restored my hope for American medicine. Plus, you are just as cool in person as you are on your blog.

  3. Oh, thanks for the Christmas pics. It’s nice seeing you and Dr. Fatty–I hope one day to IRL meet some of the fatfighting bloggers I’ve come to care about, too!!!

    Here’s to a great 2012 to you and yours. And me and mine And ALL of ours!!! God bless…

    • Oh my gosh, I have a zillion of your posts to catch up on. I will savor everyone today and promise to take time to say hello. Happy New Year to you and your family!

  4. How wonderful to schedule ina beach getaway in the midst of holiday travels. It sounds like a great trip. I understand the sort of letdown overeating. I am glad you see it for what it is and intend to put a stop to it. Moving back to your plan as soon as you can is the lifetime goal. Pefection shouldn’t be.

    • Thank you for the reality check, Susan. Expecting perfection is something that I have managed to boot out of most areas of my life. Eating obviuously is not one of them…

  5. Welcome back! I love Sanibel:) So… we had similar binges, it sounds like. Mine was massive – falling off the cliff into a stomach ache in extreme. I don’t have excuse either… but I do have “reasons.” Which I guess is what I need to think about “next time.” I’ve been back on track with my eating for two days, starting the morning after our last holiday event, and feel amazingly better already. Funny how that crappy food makes me feel crappy and the good food makes me feel… well… not crappy:)

    Love the photos.

    • Karen, ugh, sorry your cliff dive was as awful as mine. Any other time but the holidays I would/could/should have e-mailed you just to scream, “help.” And, you are right about writer’s block and eating struggles correlating.

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